Got my progesterone results back today: 9! Which is extremely low :( Every time I've had progesterone tests they have always been normal.So that was so not good. The nurse told me it doesn't mean I'm not pregnant but they want it to be higher. They put me on Prometrium which is a supplement. I've taken it before but this dosage is much higher. When I got home from school I took one and about 30 minutes later I was so dizzy! I had to go lie down for like an hour. Still not feeling all that great!
So anyway, just waiting to see if this is our month or not. I have had some good symptoms that keep me hoping and then some that I'm not real sure about. I know God has a plan in all of this but I want to be pregnant this month. It just keeps getting harder and harder to accept that it may not be the time. I literally have pregnant friends all around me.
I want a cute belly. I want an ultrasound picture of a baby and not my stupid follicles. I want to wear maternity clothes. I want to decorate a nursery. I want to make that special announcement to all my loved ones. I would say I want to pick out baby names, but I've already done that!! When you try for going on 3 years you have plenty of time on your hands to think up names!
Continue to pray that God's will be done and that he grants me patience.

We went for the IUI today! Everything looks great! Lots of swimming boys and my follicles seemed to grow! HA :) The Dr. did say that I am not over producing follicles and could stand to have some more to increase my chances. So if we aren't successful this month, we may do 1 more month with an increase in dosage to see if that stimulates a little more and maybe helps our chances. My lining looks great and they seem to be pretty encouraging about us getting pregnant. I go back in a week for blood-work to check levels and then should know something in the next couple of weeks. Pray that God's will be done. Pray that God will bless us with a sweet child of our own. We know He is in control and has picked out that perfect child or children to place in my womb. Allen and I can't wait to be parents and we are very hopeful this month!

Prayer

Please pray for us. We have finished this round of shots and go to the dr. in the morning for an iui. We have done so many of these that have failed that I am trying not to get down :( I know God has a plan and maybe this is our time. If not, we will still praise him! Thank you for all the prayers and I will keep you posted!

New Year

Well it has definitely been a long time since I last posted!! What a crazy few months! We have been out of school so many days due to snow that I think I've forgotten how to teach!! We were out the whole week before our 2 week Christmas break. Then we went back last Tuesday and it snowed Wed. so we were out Thursday, went Friday, and then it snowed early Monday morning and we have been out this entire week! Needless to say I've watched LOTS of good movies, read LOTS of good books, caught up on my cleaning and spent LOTS of time with Hank :) Here is a picture of us in the snow:)

  

The holidays were fabulous! We got to spend time with each and every member of both our families (parents, siblings etc...) Here are a few pics from Christmas and the UT bowl game in Nashville! It was an exciting day..would have been better if we had won!

We also got to babysit our sweet niece Hannah overnight while Vanessa and Adam celebrated their 3 year anniversary! We had sooo much fun! She is the sweetest baby! I cherished the times I got up with her to feed her and cuddle.  I yearn for that feeling with my own!! Here is a picture of her when she stayed with us!

 

And here are a few more that my mother in law took when she went to visit. She just keeps changing all the time!!

Well, its been 5 months since our last round of shots!(hard to believe) In that short amount of time I felt extremely overwhelmed at the amount of pregnancy announcements I received! Don't get me wrong... I am SOOO excited for each and every one! I have several friends/family members who are pregnant with their first baby(what a special time) and even one who is pregnant with her 4th!! I enjoy hearing about the doctor appt's and finding out what they are having. It is such an exciting time! I just continue to wonder...when will it be our time? 

After paying off some bills these last few months, we decided to revisit Dr. Doody to see what our next step would be.Since we only did 2 rounds of the shots back in the summer he said he would like us to do at least one more. So he increased our dosage and we started them last Sunday. They have been very painful this time :( I guess cuz it's more fluid going in!! Allen has done a terrific job mixing and administering them. He would like it even more if he could prevent them from being painful! He's such a trooper!

So, after 4 nights of shots today was our first ultrasound/blood work appt. So far I have several good sized follicles on each ovary and everything looked good. We are doing 2 more nights and then going back Saturday to check again. I would say they will do an IUI on Monday or Tuesday. So we shall see.... 

At church we have had so many people praying for us/over us etc... I've had friends from out of state and even country praying for us in their bible studies and small groups. I know God is hearing our prayers and that He is working a great and mighty plan in HIS timing. I just have to be reminded of this all the time! I really want to focus on how much He is blessing us every day and just how much He loves us and provides for us. I am so excited to see what 2011 will bring for our family!

Long Time

It's been like a month since I've posted..so sorry! Busy at school, home and church it seems :) I'm so excited for the Christmas season. We had a great Thanksgiving with my dad and Glo. Now just relaxing before back to work on Monday.

We still are in a season of waiting for a child. It has been so so so hard lately! In just a short 3 months, 12 people have gotten pregnant! Seems unreal...but I cannot focus on that. My focus is on Christ and Him alone. I am very excited for each and every mommy to be, however it hurts so badly because all I want is to be a mommy :( I get so frustrated and wonder if God is listening.. I will make it tho and He will be faithful to deliver. The holiday season is a difficult time because I can't wait for the day when I have a sweet little one's stocking hanging up and Christmas cards with their sweet little face on them. I know I should enjoy the time Allen and I have alone, but we have been married for 4 years and we love each other dearly but there is that empty place where a child is supposed to go. Most of my friends are on their 2nd child by this point. We are not THAT young and I would like to have a couple of children.

I just don't understand why we are having to wait. I feel like I finally have a peace about it and then someone announces they are pregnant! I am always happy for them but it is so hard not to think, why not me?? When will it be our turn? I think Allen and I will make great parents and I will not understand until God reveals it  I guess. Just say a little prayer that God guides and directs us this holiday season and that He will bless us with a sweet little one in the coming year.

Peace

Today's devotional was on inner peace. I was reminded of the story of Jesus and the disciples on the water. While he was sleeping, large waves were crashing over the boat. The disciples feared for their lives and didn't understand why Jesus wasn't helping them. When he finally did wake up he calmed the waves and asked his disciples"Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Well this is what I needed to hear today. What a storm I am going through. For the last 2 months I have either attended a baby shower or found out someone was pregnant EVERY single week. Those are my waves. When you go through a trial and the waves keep getting bigger and bigger it is so search for Jesus and ask, Where are you? But the truth is, HE is right there with you. He can give you peace in the storm and HE can calm the storm when he chooses.

Just this week my brother called to tell me he and his wife are having a baby. As thrilled as I am for them, once again this is another sibling of ours who didn't have to try to get pregnant and is pregnant before us. I sit and wonder , why God? Why are you allowing all of these close people around me to get pregnant NOW, of all times when we are going through this trial? The truth is, I am upset that God has chosen us to experience this trial. Of course I don't want my sister or sister in laws to ever experience infertility, but how hard it is for me to show my excitement when I have no one around me who shares my pain and suffering.

Just last night we were talking to a friend of ours who went through a similar situation but now has a child. I asked him if he knew know why God allowed them to go through that. He said he thinks its because he doesn't take the child for granted. Now when people stop him and comment on how cute she is, they are able to share their story of how God blessed them and just how long they had to be patient. While I agree with that and how awesome a testimony it is, I don't think that is why God is testing us. This is my reasoning..I don't feel like if we had gotten pregnant 2 years ago that we would ever have taken having a child for granted. This may seem selfish, but to me I've always thought Allen and I understood the miracle and blessing of having a child and just how wonderful it will be. I can't imagine he and I ever would have just had a kid and then gone about our daily lives leaving them with whoever. I think 2 years ago, now, and 15 years into the future we will love and appreciate them the same. I obviously don't know what God's real reasoning is, but when he said that I really felt strongly that this was not us. We know people who have kids and I think at times take that sweet blessing for granted. But I have wanted to be a mother my whole life. I have always had that nurturing gene and have always felt like I would make a good mother. So to think that God would test me just to see if I could appreciate them more, doesn't seem like the right answer.

I guess we may never know. I can say and believe God has a plan and I must trust Him. But going through my day to day life when all around me pregnancy is in my face, that is SOOOO hard. I just pray for it to let up a little, and then boom! Someone comes out and says they are pregnant. And with lots of these people, its not their first. So that is even harder. They already have children God...and you are blessing them with more. Why can't we have just one?I know that I just have to let go and let God take complete control over this area in my life. And while the storms keep raging and I feel like I'm sinking I should trust in His perfect plan and know that our day is coming. He will bless us with children in some way I am sure. But until then, I pray for the inner peace. The peace that the world cannot give or take away. Only God can grant that peace and I need it every single day.

Shew..What a week! It's been crazy at school for sure. Mom and Dan came down Thursday and left this morning. We had a great time at school..she got to meet my kiddos and even taught writer's workshop for me :) I really wish she lived closer :(

Hank is still keeping us entertained! He has so much personality and we just love him so so much. What a blessing on our lives. God continues to teach me patience and trust.. I am reading the book "Facing the Giants" right now. It was a movie a few years back. Teaches a very important lesson we all need to be reminded of now and then.

I have really had a good week emotionally though. I went to my principals baby shower on Tuesday and that was tough. That makes 3 baby showers at school since we've started back. I may not go to anymore this year :) It's hard to not feel upset! He made this big speech about all the babies being born and so on...and I know he wasn't trying to offend me by any means but it was so hurtful to listen to :( I know that I can't take everything to heart so much, but it is very hard to feel like I am going through this alone. I definitely am at school that's for sure...it seems all AC schools are fertile ground..and then there is ME!

Today's verse: Philippians 3:20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."

GO VOLS and GO PHILLIES!!