So as I'm sitting here typing this post I am already dreading our church service tomorrow...now before you think I'm crazy let me explain. Not only is tomorrow Mother's Day, it's also Baby Dedication day at our church. I am very thankful for my mother and know that it is a day to honor all the mom's in my life, but it's also a reminder that I am still not a mom three years later :( I don't wanna use this post to complain but I do want to express the ache in my heart. Each year as I've watched all my friends/family stand to be honored on this special day I usually just smile, nod and think in the back of my head "Next year, it will be me." But the cold hard truth is, it may not be. In 2008, did I truly think I'd be sitting here in May 2011 childless? Nope! So as another Mother's Day goes by I have to accept the fact that God has not answered that prayer in the way I wanted him to yet. And he may very well not grant that blessing. I do truly believe I will be a mother one day....and on that day I will proudly stand when the mothers are asked to rise to their feet. Until then I request prayer to get through this day. I am very aware that I could skip and I know a lot of people advise this but for some reason I don't feel like skipping church.
I just know that it has been exactly a month since my surgery and I really had hoped that maybe God would miraculously get us pregnant this month and I could find out on Mother's Day :) Instead I'm pretty much finding out like every other month that I am not pregnant :( So that will also make it hard to sit through...knowing that once again we have failed to conceive, when all around me babies are being born and people are announcing pregnancies...Even people who went through infertility....it seems everybody else just has a shorter season of infertility to experience than us... It's like right when they get to their breaking point...they announce they are pregnant. Every time we get to a breaking point and I cry out..nothing happens...We still are childless :( It's very hard to accept that He is choosing to answer others prayers for a baby and not ours. So I guess as I sit here on May 7, 2011 the night before another Mother's Day where I yearn to be a mom I ask you to please pray. Pray that God hears and answers our prayers! And that He will give us guidance.
