It's been like a month since I've posted..so sorry! Busy at school, home and church it seems :) I'm so excited for the Christmas season. We had a great Thanksgiving with my dad and Glo. Now just relaxing before back to work on Monday.
We still are in a season of waiting for a child. It has been so so so hard lately! In just a short 3 months, 12 people have gotten pregnant! Seems unreal...but I cannot focus on that. My focus is on Christ and Him alone. I am very excited for each and every mommy to be, however it hurts so badly because all I want is to be a mommy :( I get so frustrated and wonder if God is listening.. I will make it tho and He will be faithful to deliver. The holiday season is a difficult time because I can't wait for the day when I have a sweet little one's stocking hanging up and Christmas cards with their sweet little face on them. I know I should enjoy the time Allen and I have alone, but we have been married for 4 years and we love each other dearly but there is that empty place where a child is supposed to go. Most of my friends are on their 2nd child by this point. We are not THAT young and I would like to have a couple of children.
I just don't understand why we are having to wait. I feel like I finally have a peace about it and then someone announces they are pregnant! I am always happy for them but it is so hard not to think, why not me?? When will it be our turn? I think Allen and I will make great parents and I will not understand until God reveals it I guess. Just say a little prayer that God guides and directs us this holiday season and that He will bless us with a sweet little one in the coming year.
Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Peace
Today's devotional was on inner peace. I was reminded of the story of Jesus and the disciples on the water. While he was sleeping, large waves were crashing over the boat. The disciples feared for their lives and didn't understand why Jesus wasn't helping them. When he finally did wake up he calmed the waves and asked his disciples"Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
Well this is what I needed to hear today. What a storm I am going through. For the last 2 months I have either attended a baby shower or found out someone was pregnant EVERY single week. Those are my waves. When you go through a trial and the waves keep getting bigger and bigger it is so search for Jesus and ask, Where are you? But the truth is, HE is right there with you. He can give you peace in the storm and HE can calm the storm when he chooses.
Just this week my brother called to tell me he and his wife are having a baby. As thrilled as I am for them, once again this is another sibling of ours who didn't have to try to get pregnant and is pregnant before us. I sit and wonder , why God? Why are you allowing all of these close people around me to get pregnant NOW, of all times when we are going through this trial? The truth is, I am upset that God has chosen us to experience this trial. Of course I don't want my sister or sister in laws to ever experience infertility, but how hard it is for me to show my excitement when I have no one around me who shares my pain and suffering.
Just last night we were talking to a friend of ours who went through a similar situation but now has a child. I asked him if he knew know why God allowed them to go through that. He said he thinks its because he doesn't take the child for granted. Now when people stop him and comment on how cute she is, they are able to share their story of how God blessed them and just how long they had to be patient. While I agree with that and how awesome a testimony it is, I don't think that is why God is testing us. This is my reasoning..I don't feel like if we had gotten pregnant 2 years ago that we would ever have taken having a child for granted. This may seem selfish, but to me I've always thought Allen and I understood the miracle and blessing of having a child and just how wonderful it will be. I can't imagine he and I ever would have just had a kid and then gone about our daily lives leaving them with whoever. I think 2 years ago, now, and 15 years into the future we will love and appreciate them the same. I obviously don't know what God's real reasoning is, but when he said that I really felt strongly that this was not us. We know people who have kids and I think at times take that sweet blessing for granted. But I have wanted to be a mother my whole life. I have always had that nurturing gene and have always felt like I would make a good mother. So to think that God would test me just to see if I could appreciate them more, doesn't seem like the right answer.
I guess we may never know. I can say and believe God has a plan and I must trust Him. But going through my day to day life when all around me pregnancy is in my face, that is SOOOO hard. I just pray for it to let up a little, and then boom! Someone comes out and says they are pregnant. And with lots of these people, its not their first. So that is even harder. They already have children God...and you are blessing them with more. Why can't we have just one?I know that I just have to let go and let God take complete control over this area in my life. And while the storms keep raging and I feel like I'm sinking I should trust in His perfect plan and know that our day is coming. He will bless us with children in some way I am sure. But until then, I pray for the inner peace. The peace that the world cannot give or take away. Only God can grant that peace and I need it every single day.
Well this is what I needed to hear today. What a storm I am going through. For the last 2 months I have either attended a baby shower or found out someone was pregnant EVERY single week. Those are my waves. When you go through a trial and the waves keep getting bigger and bigger it is so search for Jesus and ask, Where are you? But the truth is, HE is right there with you. He can give you peace in the storm and HE can calm the storm when he chooses.
Just this week my brother called to tell me he and his wife are having a baby. As thrilled as I am for them, once again this is another sibling of ours who didn't have to try to get pregnant and is pregnant before us. I sit and wonder , why God? Why are you allowing all of these close people around me to get pregnant NOW, of all times when we are going through this trial? The truth is, I am upset that God has chosen us to experience this trial. Of course I don't want my sister or sister in laws to ever experience infertility, but how hard it is for me to show my excitement when I have no one around me who shares my pain and suffering.
Just last night we were talking to a friend of ours who went through a similar situation but now has a child. I asked him if he knew know why God allowed them to go through that. He said he thinks its because he doesn't take the child for granted. Now when people stop him and comment on how cute she is, they are able to share their story of how God blessed them and just how long they had to be patient. While I agree with that and how awesome a testimony it is, I don't think that is why God is testing us. This is my reasoning..I don't feel like if we had gotten pregnant 2 years ago that we would ever have taken having a child for granted. This may seem selfish, but to me I've always thought Allen and I understood the miracle and blessing of having a child and just how wonderful it will be. I can't imagine he and I ever would have just had a kid and then gone about our daily lives leaving them with whoever. I think 2 years ago, now, and 15 years into the future we will love and appreciate them the same. I obviously don't know what God's real reasoning is, but when he said that I really felt strongly that this was not us. We know people who have kids and I think at times take that sweet blessing for granted. But I have wanted to be a mother my whole life. I have always had that nurturing gene and have always felt like I would make a good mother. So to think that God would test me just to see if I could appreciate them more, doesn't seem like the right answer.
I guess we may never know. I can say and believe God has a plan and I must trust Him. But going through my day to day life when all around me pregnancy is in my face, that is SOOOO hard. I just pray for it to let up a little, and then boom! Someone comes out and says they are pregnant. And with lots of these people, its not their first. So that is even harder. They already have children God...and you are blessing them with more. Why can't we have just one?I know that I just have to let go and let God take complete control over this area in my life. And while the storms keep raging and I feel like I'm sinking I should trust in His perfect plan and know that our day is coming. He will bless us with children in some way I am sure. But until then, I pray for the inner peace. The peace that the world cannot give or take away. Only God can grant that peace and I need it every single day.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Shew..What a week! It's been crazy at school for sure. Mom and Dan came down Thursday and left this morning. We had a great time at school..she got to meet my kiddos and even taught writer's workshop for me :) I really wish she lived closer :(
Hank is still keeping us entertained! He has so much personality and we just love him so so much. What a blessing on our lives. God continues to teach me patience and trust.. I am reading the book "Facing the Giants" right now. It was a movie a few years back. Teaches a very important lesson we all need to be reminded of now and then.
I have really had a good week emotionally though. I went to my principals baby shower on Tuesday and that was tough. That makes 3 baby showers at school since we've started back. I may not go to anymore this year :) It's hard to not feel upset! He made this big speech about all the babies being born and so on...and I know he wasn't trying to offend me by any means but it was so hurtful to listen to :( I know that I can't take everything to heart so much, but it is very hard to feel like I am going through this alone. I definitely am at school that's for sure...it seems all AC schools are fertile ground..and then there is ME!
Today's verse: Philippians 3:20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."
GO VOLS and GO PHILLIES!!
Hank is still keeping us entertained! He has so much personality and we just love him so so much. What a blessing on our lives. God continues to teach me patience and trust.. I am reading the book "Facing the Giants" right now. It was a movie a few years back. Teaches a very important lesson we all need to be reminded of now and then.
I have really had a good week emotionally though. I went to my principals baby shower on Tuesday and that was tough. That makes 3 baby showers at school since we've started back. I may not go to anymore this year :) It's hard to not feel upset! He made this big speech about all the babies being born and so on...and I know he wasn't trying to offend me by any means but it was so hurtful to listen to :( I know that I can't take everything to heart so much, but it is very hard to feel like I am going through this alone. I definitely am at school that's for sure...it seems all AC schools are fertile ground..and then there is ME!
Today's verse: Philippians 3:20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."
GO VOLS and GO PHILLIES!!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Fall and Phillies
Well...first day back after Fall Break..what a day! Is it bad I'm counting down the days till Thanksgiving? :) Anyway, thought I'd post a few pictures that my awesome mother in law took on Saturday. The colors are beautiful this time of year....
Still praying for peace and guidance...more people continue to announce pregnancies and it just seems so unfair..it hurts every time I hear it. I am so so happy for all of them, but still do not understand what God's bigger plan is. Yesterday's verse, Romans 10:10, " With the heart one believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth one confesses, resulting in salvation." :) Pretty neat!
Enjoy the pics!
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| My sweet little family! |
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| I like this one :) |
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Today's Verse
This morning I was reminded of again of what exactly "faith" means. In Hebrews chapter 11 we read about how by faith all sorts of things throughout the bible happened...(Moses, Abraham, Joseph, etc...). The verse that I decided to meditate on today: Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."Definitely something I need to focus on during this trial in my life :)
Have a happy Saturday!
Have a happy Saturday!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Corn Maze and Hayride
Last night we went with Marcus and Lauren to Oakes Farm in Corryton to the corn maze! Perfect weather for an outdoor evening...here are some of the pics I took...
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| Hanging out waiting in line |
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| I didn't quite line my face up right...oh well! |
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| Marcus and Lauren |
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| Me and my baby |
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| Working our way through the maze |
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| Looking up through the corn at the moon |
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| On the hayride |
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| Perfect fall-ish background! |
Spiritual Discipline
As I was doing my bible study this morning, something really spoke to me...it was talking about the devil tempting Jesus in the wilderness and then it said that by practicing spiritual disciplines like fasting, prayer, and scripture memory, we can learn to focus on God's guidance and provision! So I've decided to really focus on memorizing scripture. I think that we all need to be reminded of what God's word says daily, but I'm real guilty of just reading the verses and going about my day. Sometimes a verse will pop into my head during situations throughout the day, but how neat would it be to really focus on a daily verse...pray it, meditate over it, share it etc.... This is my goal :) I have been in such a rut for so long now that I really feel like something has to change or I'm gonna go crazy! This is my last official day of fall break and I'm sad :( I've really enjoyed spending time at home with my sweet puppy dog and just relaxing and getting back on track. But I guess I do have to go back to work! Below I've posted a picture of my sweet Hank.... with this cute face, wouldn't it be hard to go back to work???
Today's Verse: Deuteronomy 8:5, "Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you."
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Family Blessings
As I thought about what I should post today, I began thinking about how blessed I am with such an amazing family! I'm talking about parents, parent in laws, brothers, sisters,(and in laws) and even a sweet baby niece! So what better way to get my blog going then to show off my beautiful, amazing family!
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| My stepmom, Dad, sister, and brother |
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| Mom and step-dad |
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| My in-laws, Matt and Diane |
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| My sister, Leslie and her husband, Thomas |
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| My brother Shane, and his wife Anne |
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| My sister in law and brother in law, Vanessa and Adam |
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| And their beautiful baby girl, Hannah Kate! |
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Welcome! Thank you for visiting my blog! I am so glad to have this up and running. I've been wanting to do this for some time. I am currently on Fall Break this week ( a perk of being a first grade teacher) and have been doing lots of thinking. As I said in the about me section, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 2 years. We have been through all sorts of fertility treatments etc.. and just 2 months ago decided to take a much needed "break" from it all. I have no idea what the Lord has planned for us but I do know that he will bless us beyond what we can even imagine.
It is so hard for me to be at peace and content when I want something so bad. I know all the scripture and listen to all the words of encouragement from my friends, but still doubt...it that bad? I mean I am a Christian, I believe Jesus is the only son of God and that he came down to save me. I know I will spend eternity in heaven with him, but yet when it comes to blessing me with a child, I actually look up sometimes and ask if He needs my help! GOD, who created the earth and everything here...like He needs MY help :) But it is so so so frustrating to continue going to baby showers at school, continue hearing pregnancy announcements at church and school, and then every month wait until the dreaded day to see if it "worked" this month! Well, I'm pretty sure today is that dreaded day :( We are currently waiting I guess you could say, even though I have tried not to think about anything involving pregnancy the last 2 months...but that's hard to do when there are babies EVERYWHERE!
Anyway enough venting for the evening...gonna go spend some time with my sweet hubby and dog!
It is so hard for me to be at peace and content when I want something so bad. I know all the scripture and listen to all the words of encouragement from my friends, but still doubt...it that bad? I mean I am a Christian, I believe Jesus is the only son of God and that he came down to save me. I know I will spend eternity in heaven with him, but yet when it comes to blessing me with a child, I actually look up sometimes and ask if He needs my help! GOD, who created the earth and everything here...like He needs MY help :) But it is so so so frustrating to continue going to baby showers at school, continue hearing pregnancy announcements at church and school, and then every month wait until the dreaded day to see if it "worked" this month! Well, I'm pretty sure today is that dreaded day :( We are currently waiting I guess you could say, even though I have tried not to think about anything involving pregnancy the last 2 months...but that's hard to do when there are babies EVERYWHERE!
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